


Just a Typical Love Story (With Pirates!)

by misura



Category: D.E.B.S. (2004)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pirate, F/F, Podfic Available
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-20
Updated: 2016-11-20
Packaged: 2018-09-07 22:29:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8818609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: "Aw, c'mon," Lucy - Captain Diamond - Lucy said. There was a bit of seaweed stuck behind her ear. "We're friends, right?"
Amy glared. "You fired on my ship." Worse, given their current situation: "You sunk my ship."





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RecessiveJean](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RecessiveJean/gifts).



> sorry, not sorry, I just could not resist Lucy as a pirate.
> 
> also, for the record: Scud would make a great First Mate, and Amy'd look smoking hot in a Navy uniform.
> 
> (what do you mean: shallow reasons to write a treat?)

"May I note, for the record, that this is nuts?" Scud said.

Lucy snapped her fingers. "The plan, Scud!"

"Well, the plan is nuts, _too_. I mean, stranded together on a deserted island? Please. What do you think this is, _Treasure Island_?"

" _Treasure Island_ is not a romance." Lucy slightly adjusted the seaweed tangled in her hair.

"Neither will this be," Scud said somberly. "Look, Lucy, you're a pirate queen, she's a navy captain. There's no way this is going to end well."

"Will you shut up? Quick, how do I look?"

Scud sighed. "Like you just got washed up on a deserted island? Look, just lose the seaweed, okay? Nobody gets seaweed tangled in their hair. We're nowhere near the Sargasso, and besides, it just goes horribly with those trousers."

"Torn enough?"

Amy moaned a little. Lucy froze.

Scud rolled his eyes, turned, took two steps, turned back to retrieve the seaweed and hid behind a palm tree.

Lucy tiptoed to where Amy lay and stretched out next to her.

*

Amy opened her eyes and realized that she was not dead. That was the good news.

As for the bad news: "Amy?"

"Lieutenant Bradshaw," she corrected.

"Aw, c'mon," Lucy - Captain Diamond - Lucy said. There was a bit of seaweed stuck behind her ear. "We're friends, right?"

Amy glared. "You fired on my ship." Worse, given their current situation: "You _sunk_ my ship."

"Well, you were firing on _my_ ship, too," Lucy said defensively. " _And_ you sunk it. So, you know, from where I'm standing, that looks like we're even."

Amy realized her head hurt. "Are we the only ones who survived?"

"I'm sure your friends are fine," Lucy said, a little too quickly. "I mean, they can swim, right?"

"Well, yes, but - "

"They're fine. Don't worry about them. How about we get something to eat? And you should probably get out of those wet clothes."

Amy scowled. Lucy rolled her eyes.

"To let them _dry_. Sheesh."

Amy tried to think. The navy hadn't trained her to expect the unexpected, but it _had_ trained her to deal with it. "They can dry while I'm wearing them. We should gather material for a signal fire and locate some drinkable water."

"You're going to take all the fun out of this, aren't you?"

"Oh, and you're under arrest. Obviously."

"You're kidding me, right?"

*

"So," said Scud, settling down and unpacking some more supplies. "That went well. You got arrested."

"I'll talk her out of it," Lucy said. "I just need time."

"What you need is rum." Scud held up a bottle. "Traditional, right?"

"Where's the _Elegance_?"

Scud shrugged. "Two days out, give or take a few hours. You'll have to talk fast."

"If it doesn't work, I can always take her with me," Lucy said and grinned. "Give her a taste of the pirate side of life."

"Long hours, lousy pay and hopeless treasure hunts where X marks the spot of the death trap?"

"Is that how you feel about it?" Lucy asked, a little surprised.

"Not really, I guess." Scud considered. "The flexibility's nice, and the benefits are okay. You've got some good guys working for you, you know."

"Hey, isn't it game night tonight?"

Scud gestured dismissively. "They'll manage without me. I don't like the game of goose that much, anyway."

"Liar."

"Mind, if it had been bingo ... "

Lucy laughed and took another swing from the bottle of rum, trying not to grimace at the taste.

*

After two days, Amy was sure there was something ever so slightly off about the deserted island.

Or possibly not ever so slightly. Case in point: "What?" Lucy said. "I guess the cook was just in the middle of making dinner or something when the ship sank."

"And then it washed up here? After all this time?"

"Hey," Lucy said. "You don't want it, that just means there's more for me."

It didn't _smell_ like it had been in the water for hours and hours. It smelled _good_. Amy's stomach rumbled. Lucy smirked a bit and held out a steaming plate.

Amy reasoned that if Lucy'd wanted to poison her, she could have done so before.

"Kind of nice, right? I mean, this place, it's not so bad," Lucy said.

"I'm an officer in the Navy," Amy said. "I have responsibilities. Duties. This isn't some sort of vacation."

"Think of it as a break," Lucy suggested. "I mean, what can you do? You're stuck here. With me."

Amy reminded herself that she wasn't supposed to be smiling back at pirates, no matter how charming or good-looking they were. "And you're still a pirate."

"Doesn't mean we can't be friends, right?" Lucy asked. "I'll steal you some diamonds - Spanish ones, so you don't need to feel bad about wearing them."

"I don't want diamonds."

"No? What _do_ you want, Amy?" Lucy smiled again, warm and friendly, like the two of them were actual friends, instead of natural enemies.

"I want to earn a captaincy," Amy said. Her mouth felt very dry.

Still, she told herself, it wasn't a lie. She did want a captaincy, a Navy career. She wanted to serve her country. There would be time after that to pursue her hobbies. To fall in love with someone who smiled at her like they had known her forever.

"If you don't mind my saying so, that's not much of a dream, is it?" Lucy said, clearing off her plate with some bread that looked and smelled as miraculously fresh as dinner had been.

"Why, what's your dream? What does a pirate queen dream of?"

"Nothing," Lucy said, and grinned. "This is the life I've always wanted, and I'm enjoying every moment."

*

"To kidnap or not to kidnap, that is the question." Scud struck a thoughtful pose. "Tricky question. Oh, no, wait, she's a member of the _Navy_."

"Don't be silly, Scud. I'm not going to _kidnap_ her."

"Oh, good. Finally. An end to this madness."

Lucy rolled her eyes. "I'm going to _ask_ her."

"Oh." Scud sighed. "Right. You really like her, huh? Butterflies in your stomach, the whole she-bang?"

"The whole she-bang," Lucy agreed.

"Well," Scud said. "I wasn't going to do this, but if this is how it's going to be, then I suppose there's nothing for it." He held out a piece of paper. "Here. I had it backdated."

Lucy unfolded the paper. " 'Wanted, dead or ali - '. What _is_ this?"

"Wrong paper, sorry, sorry." Scud snatched back the wanted poster. "I just - I thought you might like to, you know, meet some new people."

"You thought I'd like to meet someone who's killed people with chickens?"

"She's Russian," Scud said, as if that explained anything. "And it was many, many years ago. _And_ it was only one guy, whom I'm sure had it coming." He considered. "Well, maybe the chickens were innocent, but these things happen. Can't make an omelette without breaking some eggs, and so on."

"Honestly, Scud."

"Yes, it was a bad idea. Can we drop it now?"

Lucy considered. "Thank you. You're a good friend."

"You're welcome," Scud said. "Now, I had to bribe some people for this, but I think that it's worth it, and under the circumstances, I believe that you'll agree. I mean, I know that you always wanted to be a pirate, and it's been fun, but - well."

"Why be a pirate when you can do the same stuff as a privateer?"

"Well, I can think of a few reasons, but never mind. Go get your Navy liaison, Captain."

*  
 _epilogue_

 

"Come on, try it."

"Arrr?"

"Don't make it sound like a question. You're a pirate. You're smart, you're sexy, and you know it. Try again."

"Arrr."

"Better. Just try not to giggle next time."


End file.
